I am often asked by clients, “Am I overreacting?” “Am I too sensitive?” or a similar iteration of the same complaint….“I wish I didn’t feel things so strongly,” or “why do I get so hurt so deeply so easily?”
If you are a highly sensitive person (*HSP) or an empath, you know these refrains well. You are all too familiar with the highs and lows that come from ordinary life and ordinary interactions as a deeply feeling person. You know the fireworks that can ignite internally with a careless word, a declined invitation, a forgotten phone call, or a flippant interaction – leaving you reeling emotionally. Many of these individuals struggle in the emotional wake of day to day life, and are searching for ways to dilute their emotions and reactions.
*(HSP’s make up approximately 30% of the population!)
Early in my practice as a psychotherapist, I was quick to offer coping strategies for these individuals, quick to search for childhood traumas or unresolved psychological issues that could explain the depth of pain, sensing, and feeling these individuals “complained” of.
Until I learned about the canaries in the coal mines.
You see, all the way back to the early 1900’s, canaries were sent into coal mines to detect noxious gasses and toxins that, left undetected, would be fatal for human beings. Canaries would accompany miners into the mines and if they became ill or died, the miners would know that they needed to leave or they, too, would risk serious illness or death. The canaries were the warning, the alert, that something in the environment was unhealthy and potentially toxic. The canaries became a trusted and valued component of life and vitality for these miners.
You guys, the miners literally relied on the canaries to let them know if they would LIVE OR DIE.
Now, allow me to be dramatic for a moment to draw an emotional parallel. Just as the canaries would anticipate the presence of potentially fatal toxins in the physical environment for the miners…so too can our human “canaries” predict the presence of unhealthy or toxic words or behaviors in our emotional environment. If there is an emotional threat our human canaries will let us know, if there is a toxic behavior, our human canaries can let us know. They can pick up even remote levels of anger, resentment, gaslighting, lying, manipulation, inauthenticity, judgment, shaming, or guilting. Their senses will alert us when something emotionally is off, when something needs attention. Their intuition will tell us if someone is hurting, if a behavior has the potential to wound. They are our eyes and ears into the emotional realm. If we will trust them. If we will give them space and voice. If we will see them and not silence them.
You – HSP, empath, deep feeler, highly intuitive person – are our canaries. You can identify the presence of emotional and psychological threats before 70% of us can. I hope you will see the importance and the beauty of this gift. I hope you will trust yourself and give voice to your own intuitions and senses. I hope you will see yourself as our wise and gifted souls. And as we become a more emotionally intelligent and emotionally aware society, may we learn to open our hearts and our eyes to your intuitions.
May we recognize your immense value. May we recognize that you are our canaries. May we recognize the value of your intuitions to our individual and corporate mental health and the health and vitality of our relationships!
If you are ready to work on yourself or your relationship, I am here. I offer men’s and women’s group relationship coaching as well as 1:1 coaching and therapy. I’d love to help. Message me.
